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Hello everyone!

I have decided that it is time to merge both of my blogs. I just haven't had time to write in both and instead of having two "Mehh" blogs that I should have one good "Meh Meh" blog.

You can find me over here....

www.mylifebeforeikickthebucket.com

or click that button over on the right hand side of my page and make sure to follow me!!

What I saw today shocked me

Today, while getting gas at the local ghetto-ass gas station down the street, the homeless guy who lives on the corner flashed his "goods" at me.

First off. The guy was wearing no pants today with just a hoodie. And BAM, out of no where just opens his jacket to flash his cash and prizes.

Then, he proceeded to POUND a bottle of liquor. And when I saw pound, I mean this guy just took a bottle of liquor to the FACE like it was kool-aid on a summer day.

This is not the same homeless person who digs through my trash.

Writing Papers

I haven't written very much because I feel like I am always writing. The woes of an english major. This week is midterm week and with that stress, my husband deployed, and working overtime at my job I am missing out on my favorite hobby, blogging.

Let's start with school. I have so much work that I have never encountered before. Maybe because this is my first 4 year-school and I am used to community college. By the way, don't knock my community college education! I have to pay for school by myself so I decided to stay at my mom's for the first two years so I wouldn't be paying thousands of dollars for the same education. As much as I hated community college, looking back I know I made the right decision financially. I still dream of the "typical" college experience, but beggars can't be choosers right? Transferring with an AA is the easiest way to go. As soon as you transfer the college you attend after will most likely just put you in as a junior. Unfortunately, the only classes left over during registration were all senior level courses, so I am drowning in reading and writing. At least it's keeping me busy while my husband is away.

The woes of being a submarine wife. Almost zero communication while they are deployed. The Navy has shorter deployments because of this. It's horrible expecting emails from a system you know is broken. Or sending 10 emails not even knowing if my husband is going to get them. But, I will admit when I do get an email it makes my day. It must be hard on his part to write an email when his life is so monotonous on the boat.

My job has been crazy this week. The resort is filing "Live with Kelly" all this week. And Kelly is giving away a dream wedding to a lucky couple. The department I work in (catering) is going crazy feeding all the crew. Breakfast, lunch and dinner! The staff for the show is very, very, very nice. They are working really hard but still have time to talk story with some of us during meal time. Also, I want Kelly's body. Woah, she is in shape! You should see her in person!

I am still alive!

So, I had an email from a guest who wanted to make sure I was still alive because of my depressing entry and then silence.
Yes! I am alive! I have just been drowning in school work. Being an english major is a lot of work. I am reading books like a crazy person this semester.

On a completely other random note, I have to admit a problem that I have. I like to self diagnose myself whenever I am sick. Does anyone else do this? My husband makes fun of me all the time because I find some horrible disease online and tell him that I have that disease. Well, recently I have self diagnosed myself with AAA disease, or Abdominal Aortic Aneurism.

This is my reasoning. I have a very annoying, strong, "heartbeat-like" pulsing going on about 3-4 inches above my belly button. You can actually see that particular spot moving when I am laying flat down.

As unbelievable as this sounds, my husband can not make fun of me because the last time I self diagnosed myself from the internet I actually had what I determined before going to the doctor (shingles blah). I am not worried about it, but I am going to point it out to my doctor the next time I go to visit. I am such a hypochondriac. Is anyone else with me on this one?

Battling with homesickness

One of the hardest emotions a military spouse has to go through is loneliness. It's worse when your spouse is stationed far away from what you originally call "home". I am going through my first deployment as a wife, and my third altogether.
The first deployment didn't count. I was still living in New York. I lived with my mother and I was working and going to school while my husband got deployed out of Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. We were also in an awkward dating situation, he had broke up with me right before his deployment but we were still kind of together. It was complicated to say the least, and perhaps a story for another time.
The second deployment wasn't actually a "deployment". The hubs went on an East Pac for about 4 months. And I went home for a couple of weeks to plan our wedding. Time really flew by.
So here I am now. My first official real deployment. And it SUCKS. And it hasn't even officially started yet. In the Navy, the boat usually goes out anywhere from 2-5 weeks before the actual deployment, then come home for a few days and leave whenever they are given the "go-ahead". So, I don't even know when he is coming back and leaving again.

But anyways, I am really struggling in Hawaii. It is way too far from home. I have been here for over a year and a half and no one has come and visited me, and I have only had the opportunity to go home twice. And once was only for 4 days and it was hectic because it was for our wedding.

I can't explain how empty I feel inside. I literally just pour tears at night with no explanation, just sadness. I try to get out of the house, but the second I come back home my depression and anxiety just gets worse. I don't have very many friends out here either. It's been a hard time. The friends that I have made have turned out to be either flaky or backstabbing, making me feel worse about forming friendships. Sometimes I even find it hard to blog because I am feeling so down.

Today has been a little bit better. I actually got out of bed to clean and do some errands. I even updated over at www.mylifebeforeikickthebucket.com .

Hopefully, as time passes my depression will get more manageable. I don't know if I can deal with it for too much longer.

I have been avoiding writing

Because I only lasted on day 4 of the Master Cleanse.

This wonderful piece of deliciousness was my downfall. I just couldn't resist the sushi. I am ashamed. But do you know how hard it is to not eat? It's very, very, hard. I am going to attempt it again at the end of the February.

Beginning of day three of the Master cleanse

Holy cow! I didn't think I was going to make it past the first couple of days.

Yesterday was really tough. Mostly because I had to work and I work around food. This was a great challenge for me. Normally when there is left over food that goes back into our "kitchen" I grab snack size bites whenever I walk by. It's not because I am hungry, it's because it's "something to do" and it is usually pretty good. Yesterday, there was a sushi station and the sushi chefs made all of the servers some hand rolls and sushi pieces. I almost died. They NEVER do stuff like that for us! I felt like I was really being challenged. Instead of joining the rest of my team who was scarfing down that delicious smelling sushi, I went into the room and started to clean. Meh, I couldn't be around the food in fear of drooling everywhere.

After I got out of work the rest of the day was pie. I figured, if I can get through temptation right in my face I can get through anything!

This morning was the first day of the dreaded "salt water flush". It was really hard to get down. I read a few tips and one guy said just chug the whole quart at once. That's pretty impossible because that is A LOT of water. I gulped it down in about 5 sections- dancing in between to get my mind off of how full I felt. I had about two immediate movements and that's about it. I thought it was going to be a lot worse then it actually was.

This morning I weighed myself at 139.4